Between Earth and Starry Heaven, Pt. 1

Been a while since I've blogged, sorry about that, folks. It's been a bit of a whirlwind week, I have to say. No photos yet...yes, that's correct, no photos yet, because I haven't gotten the time to pick through my camera and ipad and iphone and post them! Supposed to be heading up town with Sam again soon.

Let me reach into my memory bank and bring up last Tuesday and Wednesday for a moment.

I was terrified. I remember going up to the computer in the laundry room and printing out my boarding pass and just going "I'm scared enough to poo my pants." I finished final pre-launch checklist, checked and checked and checked again that I had everything. Had a popsicle/ice lolly to help calm myself and did a bit of meditation and acupressure tapping to help. All of those things worked for a bit but not really.

Finally it was time for us to get moving. I hoisted the heavy bag and thought "Hmm, this is heavy. Oh well."

We drove to the Park and Ride and picked up my brother, Cedric, who decided to come along on this journey. As much as I love my brother, he can be a dick. Not just in the way that brothers are to their sisters, but in the sense that I feel he thinks we are lesser mortals than him. He will get frustrated easily and start shouting shit but he can also be rather loving and cuddly. It's confusing. When he got into the car, he was feeling pretty good. Chatty and excited and talking about my trip, talking about his work, talking about Jose, his husband and how he was doing, that sort of thing. We popped by McDick's on the way for drinks and toilet break. Even though I was rather hungry, I didn't eat anything because I got the feeling anything I would eat would end up all over me. I wasn't catastrophizing but I was somewhere in the realm of "too terrified to talk much"

Will write a bit more later!

The Night Before

A few weeks ago when I was talking to Rob, I said that I didn't really feel all that bothered about going to the UK. I was excited, sure, and that excitement has been steadily building all month.

Today...

I've sort of realized that this thing that I've wanted for a few solid years at this point is about to come into fruition. That tomorrow evening, by this time, I'm going to be past security at the airport for the first time. For the first time in my life, I'm going to be alone. Like...alone, alone. Where I'm going to a foreign country, and going to see Sam again.

Yeah today I feel a lot like this:

I'm packed, except for the electronics and a few small bits, but otherwise? I'm actually prepped to go traveling. And I am scared shitless. Tomorrow, the actual day that I leave, I kind of expect to be much like my dog when he goes to the vet: a drooling, unhappy mess with shaking legs and those big eyes looking up at me like What do? Y dis happen? Halp!

I think, part of me believes that I don't deserve this trip. I can't evidence to support that, but it's there for sure. I've been basically denying myself everything that I want for years and years and now that I'm faced with it, I'm still thinking I don't deserve it. And, I'm also scared to death. As I said, I'm actually going out alone....first time in my life I'll be flying internationally and flying alone. I kind of want hugs and reassurance and someone telling me it'll be alright. I don't think I'll get that from many people, though. I need to realize that by myself.

So...*sigh*

My Suitcase Needs A Diet.

I am either an insane person or else incredibly stupid.

4 years ago when I started planning this trip I stumbled over the site onebag.com and fell in love with the general message: it's much better to go hand baggage only when flying as it leads to less stress and overall easier navigation. That, and I can avoid becoming this woman:

Well.

I've internalized a lot of that message, and been browsing sites such as Her Packing List, the Tom Bihn luggage forums, 1bag1world and also The Vivienne Files. I read the carry on limits, chose airlines that allow a reasonable limit (22lbs/10kg) and packed carefully. Even though I panicked at certain times ("jesus christ i need a sewing kit and I need more duct tape and where is my towel i can't cope without my towel")...the fact that I'm going to UK and not hiking the Annapurna Circuit is what's keeping me in check. Hell, I even did a practice pack to check if what I was thinking about bringing was gonna work, and, everything fitted. My bag weighed 13.7 lbs (in non freedom units that's 6.2 kilos). Alright! Everything I wanted fitted, with room to spare!

Ahahahaha.

Yesterday, when I packed up my bag, I noticed I had a small problem. The things that I wanted to pack, had somehow mysteriously expanded to 20 lbs, just under the 10kg weight limit. That's not including my laptop, case, the power cables and prescriptions. That would bump me up to 24lbs, or 11kg pretty easily.

I've been told not to worry about it, and they won't check the weight, plus Delta has no weight limit but Virgin Atlantic do. Well, to be honest, it won't be as if I can't mail stuff bag, plus I'll be losing weight and using up shampoo and conditioner. But, I will be bringing back some gifts for my parents and people back home. I'll try not to worry about it, but in the meantime, it is causing me a little bit of stress, heh.

8 Days to Go

Did you guys know that it costs $594 to get 400 GBP?

I didn't know that until Friday, when I went to the bank and had to special order the money. With the exchange rate being shit due to Brexit, and then the bank taking a cut, plus a $22 shipping fee...yeah. I wasn't terribly pleased. Was even less pleased about the shipping fee since the money has to come from the Federal bank in Boston, I believe. Perhaps a little later, after work, I'll update with pictures and thoughts about the money, since I've already had a couple issues!

While I'm in a salty mood, Dad's been a bit of a bastard lately. Apparently the fact that Sam lives 3k miles away is no excuse for him not to buy me flowers regularly. Nevermind the prohibitive shipping costs, the fact that flowers don't last terribly long on voyages across the Atlantic and the fact that he still lives 3k fricken miles away is no excuse. I mean...fine. Fair enough that Dad wants the best for "his little girl" but narcissistic bullshit like that is part of the reason why I don't really take him seriously anymore. He's been trying to do that shit for years: sowing the little seeds of doubt and hatred into my mind and trying to poison my relationship with Sam. I think he thinks that he's being helpful, and that maybe I'll listen to him and go for Mike, the 400+ lb guy at Walmart with the neckbeard....

Anyway, in between getting poked and prodded and jabbed with needles at the doctor and the dentist, I'm just about ready for my trip! Still can't wait. Excitement levels are going through the roof!

18 Days!

Jesus tapdancing Christ getting my wardrobe together has been a rather expensive process. New shirts, new pants, new underthings, new jewelry, new travel tchotke that I forgot, like hand lotion or face wipes. New packing cubes, new jacket, new stuff because the old stuff has worn out. Yada yada yada. I've been trying to keep things a little moderate in price by shopping the clearance rack, ebay, Amazon and the various thrift stores round, and have been getting excellent deals on some things, but there are just more than a few things that I need.

I still can't quite believe that in 2 weeks and 4 days I'm going to be going to the UK and seeing Sam again. The more I think about it, the more excited I feel. I honestly can't wait. I'm practically bursting at the seams for being so impatient, hahaha. But then again, I've waited 6 years. I'm fairly sure another 2 weeks won't kill me....right? I hope not.

One Month!

Six years. God, six years is a really long time, isn't it? Time enough for a kid to be born and be halfway through his childhood. Time enough for stores to close, places to move, shops to open. Time enough to meet new friends and form new relationships.

In any case, it's been six years since I've seen Sam. And, finally, from 6 September to 20th September, I'll be going to the UK to see him.

This trip's already getting to be both much less spendy and much more spendy than I thought. First off, Sam's got his own apartment now, so I'm staying there. That's already saved me a few thousand. Second off, I found tickets for roughly $900, round trip tickets, too! But as far as being more expensive...well, been buying new clothes and accessories and travel tchotke like mad. (Hey, can't expect me to go to meet Sam's family looking all shabby now, can you?). Plus, I've been working on losing weight, and I feel a lot better as a result.

I've started this blog as a collection of my thoughts surrounding this trip, so that way I won't have to spend most of my time emailing people, as there's...what...10? people that I know of who'll read this blog, hahaha. Including at least 2 minors (*coughFabiandLalacough*).  Share with your friends! Your family! Your cousin's best friend's dog groomer's girlfriend! Since I know I have 2 minors (not to mention my mother....) looking at this, I'll keep the swearing and sex talk to a minimum. Can't promise I'll be entirely clean though!

I'm excited as hell for the trip, of course. First time I'll be flying alone/internationally, first time i'll be to the UK, first time I'll be meeting a lot of Sam's family and friends. Lots of firsts! I don't quite know what to think, but right now, I just know I'm getting a mix of emotions, all nervous and excited and a little scared. Oh, and impatience. I just wanna be there already! I just want to be there, with Sam, in his apartment, doing all sorts of couple-y things, like....shooting things in video games. Cooking food. Watching TV. Snuggling on the couch.

In conclusion, this trip's going to be worth the six years wait. I can feel it.