The Night Before

A few weeks ago when I was talking to Rob, I said that I didn't really feel all that bothered about going to the UK. I was excited, sure, and that excitement has been steadily building all month.

Today...

I've sort of realized that this thing that I've wanted for a few solid years at this point is about to come into fruition. That tomorrow evening, by this time, I'm going to be past security at the airport for the first time. For the first time in my life, I'm going to be alone. Like...alone, alone. Where I'm going to a foreign country, and going to see Sam again.

Yeah today I feel a lot like this:

I'm packed, except for the electronics and a few small bits, but otherwise? I'm actually prepped to go traveling. And I am scared shitless. Tomorrow, the actual day that I leave, I kind of expect to be much like my dog when he goes to the vet: a drooling, unhappy mess with shaking legs and those big eyes looking up at me like What do? Y dis happen? Halp!

I think, part of me believes that I don't deserve this trip. I can't evidence to support that, but it's there for sure. I've been basically denying myself everything that I want for years and years and now that I'm faced with it, I'm still thinking I don't deserve it. And, I'm also scared to death. As I said, I'm actually going out alone....first time in my life I'll be flying internationally and flying alone. I kind of want hugs and reassurance and someone telling me it'll be alright. I don't think I'll get that from many people, though. I need to realize that by myself.

So...*sigh*